This is your brain on meditation

So I've been meditating a lot lately.  It's an effort to reduce stress and be more disciplined with my thoughts.  I downloaded a bunch of guided meditations from itunes and have been doing them every day for the past week.  They're half an hour, with a nice soothing woman's voice taking me on a journey to my own perfect healing sanctuary where I can imagine healing light infusing my dna with perfection.

Look, I'm totally hip with the power of the brain to work all kinds of miracles for the body.  I've read the Louise Hay books, heard the stories of people being cured of cancer through meditation, yada yada.  I'm a believer already.  But I'm so totally ADD, the idea of focusing for half an hour on this woman's voice, and the images she makes me think of, without letting my mind wander...now that's a challenge.  That's in part why I'm doing it - to get more control over my thoughts and my constant need to be amused by shiny new things.

So here's the thought process from my meditation this morning:

I'm kind of tired.
This lady has a nice voice.
I could do these meditations in bed.
But then I'd probably fall back asleep.
I wonder if she does commercials on the radio?  She totally could.
I should google her and see if she's a voice over artist.
I need to google what happened to the other guy in Linkin Park.  They looked all different on SNL.
Dana Carvey is getting old.
Oh.  Man.  I should focus.  Ok.  Focus.
Where did that cat come from?
Is it cheating if I pet the cat?
Surely petting a purring cat is meditative?
Yes, but then I could get the Petting Purring Cats guided meditation, and not this one.
I wonder if incense would help.
When I say incense, I'm always afraid I'm going to say incest instead.
Or insect, which wouldn't be as bad.
Ok, healing sanctuary.  Lots of pillows I can relax into.  Seeing my future.  Golden light.  Got it.  Focusing.
I really want some French toast.  I bet I could make it.  It's not that hard to make.  I mean, it's just egg, right?
My head itches.
I hope I don't have lice.
In second grade somebody got lice and we all had to get our hair combed with these really scratchy tiny combs.
I wonder why my mom always gave me perms.
My hair is naturally straight, and perms always made it so hard to comb through.
I haven't brushed my hair in 4 months.  Wash and go, that's me.
You'd think she'd have gone with the easy route of letting it be straight and low-maintenance.
Maybe it was an 80's thing.
The 80's were really awful.
I mean, who invented jelly bracelets anyway?  Yuck.
Peter Cetera is so much hotter today than he was in the 80's.
I really want some french toast.  Can french toast be dinner?
Wait, what's going on?

....and on it went, for 30 minutes.

Let's hope this meditation thing can calm my brain.