Sunday, September 25, 2011

Welcome to Fall (also, the Way Marketers Get Me)

Hey everybody!  I haven't blogged in FOREVER.  I suck at blogging sometimes.  If you wondered where I went, not to worry, I'm still here.  And it's fall, so I'm happy.  Fall has always been my favorite season.  Actually, I'm especially happy that I'm happy this year because we lost Baby T in the fall, and I was worried that I'd be miserable, associating it with the loss.  But it's going ok.

So I came home from Target the other day with, among other things, a fall-looking mug.  When J asks me why the hell I bought a mug when we have, like, 50 of them collecting dust, I responded thusly.

Target sells this mug for $1.99.  And you might think that it's just a cheap mug, right?  But you would be wrong.  Because let me tell you.  I'm going to dig out the espresso machine that I put away when it got warm, and I'm going to make myself white chocolate mochas and pumpkin spice lattes, and what I will do is wake up early, and drink my coffee in this mug, holding it in my hands and feeling the comfort and warmth of it, and listen to Telemann while I read thoughtful magazines like the Atlantic and the New Yorker, and do my Artists Way Morning Pages, and look out the window and think what a lovely day it is, and a cat will snuggle at my feet.  I will feel calm and contented, and I will have a productive, amazing, kick@ss day.  And it will all be because of the $1.99 mug.  This isn't just a mug.  This is autumn crispness and meditative mornings and kick-butt days.  All for $1.99.  I mean, seriously, how could you expect me to turn that down?


To which he replied that he couldn't expect me to turn it down, and by all means, I should consider getting a second one the next time I'm there.

So, thanks to Target, my table in the mornings looks like this.  Candle: $5.99.  Mug: $1.99.  White Chocolate Mocha ingredients: $2.00.  Tablecloth: $9.99.  Autumn Bliss: Priceless.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

My 9-11 Remembrance: The Last Carefree Emails

I was living in London on September 11, 2001.  And so I got wind of what was happening in New York after lunch.  I had spent the morning sparring over email with Nick and Paul - twin brothers I had met through the choir we started.  We had a good time poking fun at each other, planning a Thanksgiving visit back to the US, poking fun at my boss (Lynne Franks, who was supposedly the inspiration for the show Absolutely Fabulous, and thinking about lunch (I went to Muji on Carnaby Street and bought some pens that lunchtime).  


It's weird to read these emails and think back on a time when I could innocently make a joke about how being considered an American was worse than being considered an idiot.  In a few hours, that kind of talk would become unpatriotic and borderline-treasonous.  


I had to leave London a few months after 9/11 because they cracked down a lot harder on visas, and people like me, who were on questionable student visas, suddenly found ourselves a bit stuck.  But that's a small price to pay.  London isn't going anywhere.  


It's odd for me to look back on this email thread and see the end of an era in real time.  It's a poor remembrance, but it's a remembrance nonetheless.


---------------------------------------- Message History ----------------------------------------

 From: Heather Anne Buettner on 11/09/2001
  09:49
 ZE8To:   Nick Bland/DMGCON/DMG UK/DeuBa@DMG UK cc:
Subject:  send me names

 please.
 thank you.
 hope you're feeling better today.

 xxh

-------

on 11/9/01, Nick Bland wrote:
 will do - let me get a report out and over they'll come . . . . .
Nick Bland

 ------------------------------------------------------------------
 Legal Entity Cost Controlling
 Front Office Reporting and Planning
Deutsche Bank London
Tel: +44 (20)754-7025
 Email:  Website: http://lon.costcon

 -------------
 From: Heather Anne Buettner on 11/09/2001 09:57 ZE8
 To:   Nick Bland/DMGCON/DMG UK/DeuBa@DMG UK
 cc:
 Subject:  Re: send me names
 you rocketh most mightily.




------------------------------
on 11/9/01 5:59 pm, Nick Bland wrote:

 i know . . .Paul & I want champers on the flight over with lunch!  Mwa!

 Nick Bland

------------------------------------------------------------------
  
Legal Entity Cost Controlling

Front Office Reporting and Planning
Deutsche Bank London
 Tel: +44 (20)754-7025
Email: 


------------------------------------------------
 From: Heather Anne Buettner on 11/09/2001 10:10

 ZE8
 To:   Nick Bland/DMGCON/DMG UK/DeuBa@DMG UK

 cc:
Subject:  Re: send me names


what's a champer?  Am I meant to understand what that means?

 Talk English for goodness sake.

 Mwa
  

 -------------------
 on 11/9/01, Nick Bland wrote:

champers = champagne

 dur you're soo stoopid!

 Nick Bland

 ---------------



Legal Entity Cost Controlling
Front Office Reporting and Planning
 Deutsche Bank London
Tel: +44 (20)754-7025
 Email: 

------------------------------------ 



 From: Heather Anne Buettner on 11/09/2001 10:29
ZE8
 To:   Nick Bland/DMGCON/DMG UK/DeuBa@DMG UK
cc:
Subject:  Re: send me names

 Dur, like how the hell am I supposed to understand your secret language?
 Geez.
 I'm not going to let you have champers.  You'll be all tipsy before we
even land.  No wait, that's me.
 I'm going to sit in the middle and take turns sleeping on each of you so
 you
each get equal amounts of Heather Drool on your shirts.  I bet you can't
 wait!











 -----Original Message-----




From: Nick Bland [mailto:]
 Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2001 11:32 AM
 To: Heather Anne Buettner
 Cc: paul.bland@charrington.co.uk
 Subject: Re: send me names

 mmmm nice






 Nick Bland





 ---------------

Legal Entity Cost Controlling
Front Office Reporting and Planning
 Deutsche Bank London
Tel: +44 (20)754-7025
 Email: 
  

--------------------------
 on 11/9/01 6:13 pm, Paul Bland wrote:
Mmm heather drool - nice !!!! C'mon Heather you work with Lynn Franks !!!




Champers is an Ab fab-ism - which planet have you been living on ?? 





 ------------------------- 





From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]

Sent: 11 September 2001 
To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!

God, the two of you...sheesh.


 If you would stop forwarding on my emails to third parties (even if he IS

your brother) and send me the email list, I would be most appreciative, Nick! 


  I don't WATCH Ab-Fab, Paul - I WORK with her, I don't NEED to watch it.

 It's my LIFE, 'kay?

  I'm in a foul mood because I forget how to get to the place where I'm meant
to be singing tonight and the lady isn't answering my email.  I thought I
had it saved.  Fuck and buggers.

Now get back to work, the two of you... xxxxxxxxxxxxxh

 --------------------------------- 
on 11/9/01, Paul Bland  wrote:


 Isn't 'sheesh' a type of kebab ?????

---------------------------


no, that's shish.  Sheesh is a noise you make when you're exasperated by nitpicky boys.

what are you both doing on saturday night?  Proms in the park. 
Let's go!
 ------------------------- 


on 11/9/01 1:44 pm, Paul Bland wrote:

 Heather - you're not an idiot, you're American and you should be proud !!
  Anyway, both you must sort out your e-mail disclamers/siggys - they make the  message
 sooo truncated !!!

 --------------------- 


From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 Sent: 11 September 2001 

 To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland'
 Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!

Nick - see what I mean... he thinks I'm American.  American.  Which is worse than being an idiot, don't you think?  You really know how to charm a girl, Paul.

And I don't put my siggy on, or disclaimers.  It's Nick. 

So what are you both doing for lunch? 
-------------------------- 

on 11/9/01, Nick Bland  wrote:

  Paul - I think you mean protracted, truncated is the opposite
 Heather - nothing much wrong with your heritage, you should be proud of your
 history, all c.100 years of it.

look no siggy!

Ps no can do proms in tha park. . . doing a concert in Kent
 -----------------------

on 11/9/01, Paul Bland at  wrote:
 Fuck off Nick !
 Heather would you like to send a profanity to my bastard brother ?
  
-------------------


From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 Sent: 11 September 2001 

 To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland'
 Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!

hey - language children...

still, ok.  fuck off nick.

and by the way, I'm not so sure the Indians (excuse me, Native Americans) would be happy with you neglecting them from our heritage!

typing w/ one hand as other has sandwich in it!

-----------------
on 11/9/01, Nick Bland  wrote:

 Go to www.cnn.com

 there's a picture of what has been reported as a plane crashing into the world
  trade centre in New York.


 ______________________________________ 
  From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 Sent: 11 September 2001
 To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland'
 Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!
 I can't see it.

--------------------------------------

on 11/9/01, Nick Bland wrote: 
  ohh you 2 are soo predictable . . .did you get my last mail re plane crashes
in the World trade Centre. . . .apparently there is more than one . . . sounds like a suicide mission to me. . . .
 -------------------------------------------

From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 Sent: 11 September 2001 

 To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland'
 Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!
 
And there was also just a bomb in the Pentagon in Washington

weird shit going on in New York. 

NICK are you EVER going to send me those names???? 
-------------------------- 

on 11/9/01, Nick Bland  wrote:

 they've evacuated canary wharf given what has happened. . . . 
  
-------------------------------

From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 Sent: 11 September 2001 

 To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland'
 Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!

 are you going?
--------------------------------------------- 

 on 11/9/01 , Nick Bland wrote:

No, they won't evacuate central London.
 
ps this is making me feel really sick. . .

 hope you're okay. . . .

------------------------------------ 
 From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2001 8:51 AM
 To: paul bland
Subject: good grief

why are people so awful?


--------------------------------------  


-----------
 on 11/9/01, Paul Bland wrote:

I know ! Lloyd's and around there has been evacuated ! I'm trying to call
 you - are you OK ?




From: Heather Anne Buettner [mailto:heather@seedfusion.com]
 Sent: 11 September 2001 

 To: Paul Bland; 'Nick Bland'
 Subject: Re: Gucci, Armani, La Croix, Names Names Names !!!!
 on the phone to parents - call 020 7287 6519 - that's lily's line  

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Top Things Making Me Grumpy Today

1.  Oliver on Project Runway.  I really can't tolerate the fake accent any longer.  I've put up with it for like 6 episodes already.  Get it off my tv!

2.  The fact that we haven't gone to the post office in like 2 weeks, and there was a nasty note in the mailbox when I went today saying I had to call a main office number to get my mail.  I'm afraid to call it because I don't want them to yell at me for not emptying my mailbox regularly.  I might make J, but I'm grumpy with him tonight, too.

3.   My inbox in general and Groupon in particular.  Listen Groupon, you were cool 18 months or so ago when I first found you, and you didn't spam me thirteen times a day.  Can't you, you know, ask me some survey questions to find out that I'm really not going to be interested in a chemical peal in Redondo Beach for 60% off?  I'd take the survey to get targeted emails from you.  I really would.  But I'm pretty much on the verge of marking you spam for now, cuz of all this crap you send me.  And now google's getting in on it.  If I have to listen to one more ad for Google Deals on my Pandora station, I'm going to knock somebody's head off.

4.  Fresh and Easy.  I love you F&E, I really do.  When I heard that Tesco's in the UK was going to do a US store, I got really excited.  And now that you sell McVities chocolate biscuits and Hobnobs, I'm even more of a fan.  But this thing you do of not completely sealing the chicken in the plastic wrap, so that even though the date says Sept 7, it goes bad early because it's been getting air all weekend...that has just got to go.  Could you try to be less ghetto in your meat packaging, please?

5.  Barack Obama.  Google "Obama + Cave".  Or, if you're a liberal like me, don't.  It will just get your blood pressure going.  I'm donating money to Stephen Colbert's ColbertPAC this year because I can't tolerate giving Obama any more money for him to just use to, you know, destroy EPA regulations and refuse to raise taxes on the wealthy.  Hillary Clinton's 3AM Phone Call ad is sadly starting to ring true.  

Three Day Weekends are fun, but I'm just feeling grumpy now.  


Monday, September 5, 2011

I'm a podcasting fool

I'm up late, having just done another episode of the Renaissance English History Podcast, cuz that's how I roll on a three day weekend.  You can subscribe in itunes, or listen online (just click the EnglandCast tab).  Cuz you know you need to know lots of stuff about 16th Century English Art in 10 minutes or less...

And I made these homemade potato chips today.  I'm not really sure that they count as, you know, chips.  But they're made with potatoes, oil, salt and pepper.  So they ain't Doritos...

And since I'm punchy, and today my 32 year old husband tells me that when he grows up he wants to be a guitar player for Big Time Rush, it's time for Funny Local News: Arachnophobia Edition.  Love how the woman tries to take charge.  Leave it to a woman to try to keep stuff moving along.  Bunch of stupid frat boys acting like ten year olds while the woman tries to do her job.  

Saturday, September 3, 2011

What the hell CAN I Eat - Fake Food Edition

We all know I'm on a Noble Quest to Eat Better, right?  One of the biggest things I'm noticing on my Journey is how little Actual Food there is in the grocery store.  I read Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food when it first came out a few years ago (his axiom for health: Eat Food. Not Too Much. Mostly Plants) and I thought, "yeah, that makes sense, we don't really eat a lot of real food."

But see, I thought that meant stuff like Dorito's or macaroni and cheese.  I figured that, you know, yogurt, for example, was a real food.

I'm learning that I've been way off in jumping to that conclusion.

I've become an obsessive label-reader, and here's what I'm learning:

All those yummy General Foods International instant coffee that I love to mix with cold milk in a blender to make a pseudo-frappuccino?  Not really food.

I was reading the label of my Hill's Brothers mocha mix, and I noticed that it's loaded to the brim with phosphates.  Whereas my Starbucks Via instant coffee is simply coffee, cane sugar, and dried milk.  I put on my Sherlock Holmes hat and asked myself, "what are these phosphates, and are they bad for me?"

It doesn't seem very cut and dry.  The International Food Additives Council publishes a list of phosphates used in food, and why they're there.  They're in loads of foods.  Everything from cake mixes to soy milk.  Apparently they are often used to prevent clumping (like in my instant coffee or the aforementioned cake mix).

The FDA lists them as "Generally Recognized as Safe."  And they're approved for use in the EU.  So it looks like they're ok, except possibly for people with kidney problems.

But still, here's the thing.  So much of what we're eating isn't actually food.  It's edible food-like substances that are engineered by food scientists.  The plus side of this is that we get a lot of great food, very easily.  Just add water, and you've got creamy coffee.  They allow us to have an enormous range of food in our refrigerator that we don't even really need to cook ourselves.  I'm sure it's made food less expensive.  But the downside is that I'm loading my body up with chemicals.  Coffee is not supposed to have a non-caking agent in it.

Is this sustainable?

Take my Fiber One bars.  They're touted as being pretty healthy, right?  They taste like granola and chocolate, and they have 11 grams of fiber.  But they have Yellow Number 6 in them, which can cause tumors on the kidney, can mess with your chromosomes, and is banned in Norway.

Yellow Number 6 is approved in the US.  Maybe Norway is overreacting.  Or maybe not.  Cigarettes are still legal, after all.  Maybe in fifty years we'll all be aghast at the amount of food chemicals that we put into our bodies.

And I ask you, why the hell does a granola bar need to have Yellow Number 6 in it in the first place?

So the next phase of my Eating Better Quest is to get rid of as many of these chemicals as I can.  Tomorrow I'm going to make my own potato chips, and I might even start making my own bread, because seriously, why is there high fructose corn syrup in bread?  Of all the stupid things...

I'm gonna take this "no additives and chemicals" thing to the next level.  For thousands of years people ate without this kind of crap in their food, and honestly, I think it's still too early to call it safe.  So I'm out.  I'm getting off the chemical train.

I'm glad I'm finding all this out now, before I get pregnant again.  Because it takes time and effort to make your own bread and it's good to get in the habit now.  Dammit, I'm committed to having a kitchen with real food in it, and not something that was created in a laboratory.    

I shall report back on the chips, as well as other chemicals I'm finding in my new obsessive-label-reading experiment.