Monday, April 4, 2011 which I come back from a cruise having actually lost weight...

...but have a seriously nasty sunburn on my nose, which has only been exacerbated by the breathe-right strips I wear when I sleep.

That being said, I did lose a pound whilst on the cruise, even when surrounded by chocolate of every kind.  I took the stairs everywhere - the only times I took the elevator were when we arrived and left with our bags.  There were 76 steps from our deck to the lido deck, so every day we were doing that several times, at the very least.  That's not counting the extras up to the track, etc.

I told myself I could eat anything, but only three bites of everything, unless it was salad or fish.  That seemed to work out pretty well.

I walked at least two miles on the track every day.

And finally, I took my scale along.  When the ship was moving, the numbers were all over the map - I couldn't get a decent reading at all - but at least it gave me a reason to not eat the entire chocolate melting cake at dinner, knowing that I would be stepping on the scale in the morning.

All the fresh air, relaxation, and good food was soul-warming.  Though I did have a breakdown the second night.  I haven't been in a place with that many happy and drunk people for a very long time, definitely not since I lost the babies.  I felt terribly alone, like I was the only person there who was going through something.  I know that's not true, but it's hard not to feel like you're on your own grief-island when the hairy chest contest is going on.

So J told me I should share with people, at least at our dinner table.  I hadn't wanted to say anything because I was afraid it would bring down the mood.  But that night, when they were all talking about shore excursions, and asking us what we'd be doing at the stop the next day, I said, "we're not really here to sightsee.  We're here to get away and chill out because I lost two pregnancies in the past five months."  And for a second everyone was quiet and didn't know what to say.  But then one of the girls said she was so sorry, and another one agreed that if she were us, she wouldn't care about any of it either, and she'd just relax on the boat, too.  And then the mood got back to normal, and I felt understood, so it was worth it.

It's good to be home, but I highly recommend sea air for anyone trying to get over something.  It cleanses a layer of grimy sadness right off, no scrubbing required.

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