Monday, May 23, 2011

Fun with Lyrics

Saturday Night Live is a highlight of my TV week anyway, but when Justin Timberlake hosts it, it becomes a highlight of my TV year (thank God the Rapture didn't happen on Saturday, so we didn't miss this!).  So yesterday we watched SNL, and laughed our asses off to the Digital Short, featuring The Golden Rule, which we all know as, "it's not gay, when it's in a threeway."  It postulates, of course, that whatever two guys do together doesn't count if there's a girl with them.  Good to know.

Later on in the evening I was singing the song to myself, only I mis-sang, and the words came out, "it's not gay, if it's on a freeway."  The implication then would be that anything two guys do together while stuck in rush hour traffic on the five north in, say, Whittier, wouldn't count.  But as soon as you exit off on to surface streets, it becomes gay.  Two things I just can't pass up with this line of thought:  First, it's an additional justification for having a carpool: not only do you get to drive faster, but you also can indulge in random gay treats; and second, just make sure you check the timing on your GPS because as soon as you exit, the gay activities have to cease.

All night long we were having fun putting our own lyrical spin on the song.  It's not gay if it's in a doorway, for example.  Or a causeway, but I'm not really sure what a causeway is. Driveway also rhymes, which brings new meaning to National Public Radio's famous Driveway Moments... 

You could substitute "runway", but that would be logistically difficult since most of the time spent on the runway involves wearing your seatbelt, making any gay activity strategically difficult.  Also, it brings airports to mind.  Let's have fun with word association: airport in the context of a gay song = a homophobic conservative senator in Minneapolis tapping his shoe in the men's room.  I'd rather not go there in my mind, so scratch that and strike it from the record.

Jonathan just reminded me not to forget to use Runway as Catwalk, which makes a lot more sense.  You see a lot of freaky stuff on high fashion runways, and I can imagine that it would take a lot to phase anyone on a fashion runway.  That being said, models always look so serious, intimidating, and devoid of personality, so I'm not so sure that you'd even want to engage in much gay activity on a runway.  But maybe that's just me.

Any day of the week rhymes, so if you're feeling a need to justify random gay activities you can remember the old axiom: "it's not gay, if it's monday (substitute your day of the week here)."

And finally, MMA, which fits on several levels.  Two sweaty half naked muscled guys rolling around on a mat looks pretty gay in the first place, so it's a good reminder that "it's not gay, if it's MMA." 

We have the best dinner table conversation, my hubby and I.

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