In case anyone's been wondering, I've been hibernating. Not just because it's winter, though that would certainly be enough justification on its own, but because I'm preggo! Finally! 14 weeks, due in August.
It happened in November, which was a non-IUI cycle, but I was still on Letrozole, the nasty breast-cancer medicine that helps fertility by tricking your body into thinking that you're going into menopause and need to release a bunch of eggs at once. It made me crazy - just ask J - and I resolved not to do any more hormones after that cycle. Adoption it would be. But then in mid December I find out I'm pregnant. I'm fairly certain the baby was conceived over Thanksgiving weekend, which makes me so happy because Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, and now, every year at Thanksgiving, I can embarrass the crap out of my kid by giving thanks for their conception. I don't care how much "Mom, that's so gross," crap I get. I'm still doing it.
So anyway, now, with pregnancy, I have a whole other level of worry and freakouts.
There was the Great Spotting Incident of 9 Weeks, during which time I spotted for 65 hours, and was convinced I was miscarrying. I talked with a midwife about how to do it at home; I was adamant I wasn't getting another D&C if I could help it. That's been the high point of freakouts so far, I guess. Now that I'm in my second trimester I'm starting to relax, but only a little. Baby Teysko was lost at 21 weeks, and I won't fully breathe easy until they put a live baby in my arms.
I'm meditating a lot, though, and using all the relaxation and stress-management tools that I know. For example, having spent so much time nurturing myself over the past two years, I know that I really love Harry Potter. Like, really. So I watch a Harry Potter movie on Amazon Instant Video almost every day. They distract me, and make me feel like a kid, and if I can pass two or three hours at Hogwarts, so much the better. I also play a lot of Skyrim, which also distracts me. I can lose three or four hours just doing quests, which is great. And I'm sleeping a lot better now, so I spend a lot of time in bed. If I could just go to sleep and wake up at, say, 38 weeks with a kicking baby ready to be delivered, I'd be pleased as punch. It doesn't work that way, so I need to find ways of coping, at least until we get past Baby T's time. 7 more weeks.
I shall probably start blogging more often now, as well, since I don't feel like I have to hide being pregnant...