This weekend hubs and I went to Epicenter 2010, a big rock festival type of thing at the Fontana raceway. I was really looking forward to rocking out and feeling 24 again, but my almost-19-weeks pregnant body had other ideas. Especially since it was 100 degrees. My mind wanted to go hang out near the front and scream and yell and jump up and down. My body, which won out, wanted to stay in the cooling tent, which was a tent set up with lots of water misters, so you could just sit and get a lovely light mist on you. So I hung out there, and read ebooks on my phone. Party animal that I am. Hubby would come back and keep me company after each concert for half an hour while they were setting up for the next one. I tried to leave the tent and get in the action for Eminem, but there was so much smoke - both cigarette and pot - that I had to leave. I felt like a fuddy duddy, but whatever. Today I feel kind of sick, so I don't know whether I'm going back, which really bums me out because Blink is playing tonight. I might just drop hubby off, and then go hang out in an air-conditioned store for a while, and then come back when it's dark. 100 degrees is just too hot to be walking a mile through a parking lot.
I did have fun people-watching though. I always enjoy playing Fashion Do's and Dont's when I'm at places like that. Like Do: wear sensible walking shoes. Don't: wear 4 inch heels. It doesn't make you look hot. It makes you look stupid. Especially when you're clearly teetering around in them, and look like you're about to trip any second.
And to the girl in the red cardigan: Look, I know you're a big girl. I know you don't want to draw attention to yourself. I'm right there with you. But seriously. It's 100 degrees out and everybody else is wearing bikini tops and shorts and at the most, t-shirts. So you, walking in your long dark jeans and dark tshirt and red cardigan - you're actually drawing more attention to yourself than if you would just wear something sleeveless. Listen, I know how you feel. The first time I went sleeveless, I felt totally naked. But here's a thought - no matter how big or small someone is, they are probably thinking about their own arms much more than they're thinking about yours. And also, I don't know whether you realize this or not, but the cardigan doesn't actually hide that you have big arms. It just makes them red. And there's no way to draw more attention to yourself than to have a heat stroke because you're trying to keep up with your cutoff-clad friends. So seriously, please, take off the cardigan and put some shorts on. Please. I'm worried about you.
It reminds me of the big girls who go swimming with t-shirts on over their suits. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Because here's the thing. T-shirts, when they get wet, actually cling to you. So you're not actually hiding anything, and you're just drawing attention to yourself because you're swimming in a t-shirt. I know the idea of just wearing a swimsuit is scary. Heck, even skinny girls get nervous shopping for swimsuits. I don't actually know this from experience, not being skinny myself, but I read about it in magazines. So I know that if you're big and embarrassed about it, the idea of wearing a t-shirt over top of your suit is appealing. And that's fine when you're dry . I have no problem with it when you're dry. But when you get into the water, suddenly you become a Big Girl In A Wet T-Shirt Contest. And everybody looks at you because it's unusual to go swimming in a t-shirt. So then not only does everybody look at you, but then they all figure it out that you're trying to cover up your pudge, and then they laugh to themselves because it's not working.
So please, Big Girls of the World, please stop drawing attention to yourselves by wearing Too Many Clothes. It doesn't help. It really doesn't.
On the other end of the spectrum, the woman wearing a yellow halter top in a size 26 with silver horizontal sequin strips without a bra - you should be taken home immediately. Simply removed from society until you can learn how to dress yourself. Why do clothing companies make yellow halter tops in a size 26? Can I make that illegal? Can I make it illegal for size 26 women to go without a bra? It's not doing anybody any favors, lady. Least of all you. So go home and put some clothes on. Please.
Incidentally, my other big pet peeve in life is when people send you a message saying the meeting will be at 10am PST and it's July. Look, 10am PST in July is actually 11am. We jump ahead. We're in Daylight Savings Time. Hello? Do you not remember moving all your clocks forward? Don't even use the S if you're going to use it wrong. Just say 10am pacific time. If you can't keep it straight whether we're in daylight time or standard time, just don't mention either. Please. It's seriously annoying. I get snarky with people. I write back and say, "I'm confused. 10am PST is actually 11am in daylight time, which is what we're in, so can you clarify the time of the meeting, please, because I don't want to miss it." I don't care if it upsets them. They're the dumbasses who can't keep it straight what time of year it is.
I'm cranky today. Time for a nap.
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