In the evenings after Hannah goes to sleep, J and I have half an hour of "us" time. Mostly we play Diablo together, but the past few days we've been watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights in installments. Suddenly it's 1993, and there are references to Arsenio Hall which I actually understand. And Carey Elwes is still hot. The movie is a parody of the Kevin Costner movie Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, and is silly and goofy and pretty stupid much of the time, but has some hilarity that is worth sitting through the stupid.
One of the things that I'd forgotten about the movie is that Marian has a chastity belt. I got to wondering whether these things were actually real or not. I've never read anything about them. Turns out that not only are they real, and they were used during the Renaissance (so, unsurprisingly, this movie is off with its timeline as it's based in the medieval period) but they are still used today (largely in the bondage scene, but still).
At the time, they were ostensibly used to prevent rape. But they also made it difficult for women to do anything without getting the key from her patriarch. Catherine de Medici is supposed to have worn one that was exhibited in Paris. In later years, chastity belts were actually marketed to young women entering the workforce as a way to ensure that they could easily rebuke predatory advances made by their bosses or coworkers.
There are, in fact, still versions of chastity belts being sold to young women. Last year a company called AR Wear (stands for Anti-Rape) had a successful indigogo campaign to create shorts that have a steel plate in them, so that when things turn sour after a night of clubbing, you have some extra protection. They even suggest that parents might want to get them for their daughters. I can just see the look on their faces at Christmas.
I don't know how I feel about this "chastity belt" shorts thing. On one hand, I have a daughter who will someday grow up into a young woman, and I know the statistics. On the other hand, I am going to enroll my daughter in martial arts classes when she is old enough, and teach her how to defend and empower herself without needing to wear steel shorts, which seem like unnecessary weight and discomfort, and a bitch to launder. It's like the whole thing where if we stop traveling and stop going places, then the terrorists win. It seems like, if you need to wear steel shorts to go out, then the rapists win. At the same time, there is something to be said for protecting yourself in advance, and not, you know, going to, say, Iran wearing a USA flag shirt, and talking crap about Islam.
So I have managed to turn a stupid Mel Brooks movie into thoughts about feminism and the history of the chastity belt. Because I'm a nerd like that.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Friday, February 22, 2013
Needles and funny movies
I went back to acupuncture today. It's been a while. Not only did I reach my limit with my insurance last year, but I also was freaked out about doing much of anything during my first trimester. Plus, it was kind of crazy, between Christmas, New Year's, then I got a cold, then the Great Spotting Incident happened; it's only been within the past few weeks that I've started settling (if you could say that) into this pregnancy.
I'm such a baby when it comes to needles. Seriously, my acupuncturist just laughs at me as she takes out the needles that she uses on toddlers. Toddlers, I tell you. And they even freak me out. I'm getting a bit better since I've had so much blood drawn lately, but there's still something ridiculously unsettling about looking down and seeing needles sticking out of your knee, feet, and wrists. And if you accidentally try to scratch your head, and you hit a needle there, it's just weird.
But I do think there's something to this acupuncture. Last May, acupuncture alone increased my luteal phase from 10 days to 14. I can only imagine it was the acupuncture since it was the only thing I was doing differently. Later on when I was taking progesterone during the IUI's my luteal phase got longer as well, so for those I can't chalk it all up to the needles, but for that cycle in May, it's the only thing that had changed.
Here's something else. When I ask my Western Doctors what they think about acupuncture, half of them just kind of snicker. "Well it won't hurt," one said, "because it doesn't do anything." So then when we did the first IUI I asked him whether it was ok to keep doing it during that cycle, and he says, "well, yes, but make sure they know you're doing fertility, because there are spots they will want to avoid."
Now here's the thing. If it doesn't do anything, then why would there be spots they would want to avoid, and why would that matter?
It doesn't take a Sherlock to figure out that there's more to this story than these MD's are letting on.
Anyway, it's been over three and a half years of trying to get pregnant - and sustain a pregnancy - and I'm pretty much convinced that doctors are stabbing in the dark. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still go to them. I still listen to what my OB says, and I ask her about everything under the sun (like, is Neosporin safe?) but I also think that there's an awful lot they don't know.
So the short story is, I got needles in my wrist, knee, feet and head today.
Also, I've been feeling a lot better lately. The whole second-trimester thing is rocking. I'm exercising regularly, even though it's winter (which is a challenge, because I also hate being cold) and I'm meditating, and spending a lot of time reading books (because I figure that my reading will be kind of curtailed here in under six months). So after acupuncture I went to Panera. I could eat every meal at Panera, but J isn't as much of a fan. Whenever we go out, I always ask for Panera, and he usually just rolls his eyes. Sometimes he indulges me. But I was on my own today, so Panera it was. I ordered the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad without even thinking about it (no chicken because I'm still a veggie, extra apple) and then when I saw it, I realized there were blue cheese crumbles. Soft cheeses are on the (very long) list of things I'm not supposed to eat during pregnancy, and I immediately started thinking about what to do. Do I ask them to make me another one, without the cheese? But the queue for lunch is really long. Do I try to pick them off?
[Sidebar: These are the dilemmas with which I am faced every day, which is why I insist that actually raising a child will be cake compared to this act of trying to conceive and carry one. My mother in law just laughs at me when I say this, though my stepmom gets it. Here's my thinking: I can do everything perfectly, but I have no ultimate control over how it will turn out. Yes, that applies to parenting, obviously, but it's not your own freaking body. Plus, with a kid, you can look at them and see that they are ok. With a fetus, you can't. I could eat the blue cheese, and it could cause some terrible birth defect, and I wouldn't know about it. For the final two weeks with Baby T I was blissfully going along thinking everything was going ok, starting a google doc of my favorite names, and it turns out that my body was rejecting him, and I didn't even know it until the last day. I'm sorry, but with the exception of your kid getting really sick, I don't think there's anything in parenting like that. Your own freaking body rejecting your baby, without you even knowing it, so that while you're just hanging out doing the laundry and sticking a chicken in the oven for dinner, your body is preparing to expel him (after 7 hours of active labor, of course). You can't tell me that letting go and letting another human being just do their own thing and become their own person and make their own mistakes can be as hard as that. Maybe I'll find out that I'm wrong, but I am pretty much convinced that 40 weeks of pregnancy (God willing) will be the hardest thing I have ever done by the time it's over.]
So, do I eat the blue cheese or do I not eat the blue cheese? I decide to be reckless. I pick out the really big chunks, but for the little crumbs that are left in the dressing (which also, I might add, freaks me out because there might be raw eggs in it, who the fuck knows, this is why I don't eat out much) I figure that it can't hurt.
I'm hoping I was right, but of course, as I just stated above, I have no idea whether I'm right or not.
If you think too much about this stuff, you can drive yourself crazy. I mean, really crazy. But for thirty seconds at Panera before the blue cheese, I was really having fun, and feeling like my old self again.
Tonight we watched a movie called Hard Times which is the silliest movie I've seen in a long time. It's set in a little village in Ireland where there are few opportunities and lots of time to come up with crazy plans to make money. Four of the least brainiest among the village decide to hijack a Pfizer truck and steal the viagra, take it to Amsterdam and sell it, and make lots of money. The truck-jacking scene itself was priceless. In a fit of fear when the three American Hummer-driving security guards show up, they dump the drugs down the well. And the drugs get into everyone's water supply. And the entire village is suddenly feeling the effects of viagra. It's on netflix instant-watch if a silly Irish movie about a horny little town harboring stupid criminals appeals to you.
I'm such a baby when it comes to needles. Seriously, my acupuncturist just laughs at me as she takes out the needles that she uses on toddlers. Toddlers, I tell you. And they even freak me out. I'm getting a bit better since I've had so much blood drawn lately, but there's still something ridiculously unsettling about looking down and seeing needles sticking out of your knee, feet, and wrists. And if you accidentally try to scratch your head, and you hit a needle there, it's just weird.
But I do think there's something to this acupuncture. Last May, acupuncture alone increased my luteal phase from 10 days to 14. I can only imagine it was the acupuncture since it was the only thing I was doing differently. Later on when I was taking progesterone during the IUI's my luteal phase got longer as well, so for those I can't chalk it all up to the needles, but for that cycle in May, it's the only thing that had changed.
Here's something else. When I ask my Western Doctors what they think about acupuncture, half of them just kind of snicker. "Well it won't hurt," one said, "because it doesn't do anything." So then when we did the first IUI I asked him whether it was ok to keep doing it during that cycle, and he says, "well, yes, but make sure they know you're doing fertility, because there are spots they will want to avoid."
Now here's the thing. If it doesn't do anything, then why would there be spots they would want to avoid, and why would that matter?
It doesn't take a Sherlock to figure out that there's more to this story than these MD's are letting on.
Anyway, it's been over three and a half years of trying to get pregnant - and sustain a pregnancy - and I'm pretty much convinced that doctors are stabbing in the dark. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still go to them. I still listen to what my OB says, and I ask her about everything under the sun (like, is Neosporin safe?) but I also think that there's an awful lot they don't know.
So the short story is, I got needles in my wrist, knee, feet and head today.
Also, I've been feeling a lot better lately. The whole second-trimester thing is rocking. I'm exercising regularly, even though it's winter (which is a challenge, because I also hate being cold) and I'm meditating, and spending a lot of time reading books (because I figure that my reading will be kind of curtailed here in under six months). So after acupuncture I went to Panera. I could eat every meal at Panera, but J isn't as much of a fan. Whenever we go out, I always ask for Panera, and he usually just rolls his eyes. Sometimes he indulges me. But I was on my own today, so Panera it was. I ordered the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad without even thinking about it (no chicken because I'm still a veggie, extra apple) and then when I saw it, I realized there were blue cheese crumbles. Soft cheeses are on the (very long) list of things I'm not supposed to eat during pregnancy, and I immediately started thinking about what to do. Do I ask them to make me another one, without the cheese? But the queue for lunch is really long. Do I try to pick them off?
[Sidebar: These are the dilemmas with which I am faced every day, which is why I insist that actually raising a child will be cake compared to this act of trying to conceive and carry one. My mother in law just laughs at me when I say this, though my stepmom gets it. Here's my thinking: I can do everything perfectly, but I have no ultimate control over how it will turn out. Yes, that applies to parenting, obviously, but it's not your own freaking body. Plus, with a kid, you can look at them and see that they are ok. With a fetus, you can't. I could eat the blue cheese, and it could cause some terrible birth defect, and I wouldn't know about it. For the final two weeks with Baby T I was blissfully going along thinking everything was going ok, starting a google doc of my favorite names, and it turns out that my body was rejecting him, and I didn't even know it until the last day. I'm sorry, but with the exception of your kid getting really sick, I don't think there's anything in parenting like that. Your own freaking body rejecting your baby, without you even knowing it, so that while you're just hanging out doing the laundry and sticking a chicken in the oven for dinner, your body is preparing to expel him (after 7 hours of active labor, of course). You can't tell me that letting go and letting another human being just do their own thing and become their own person and make their own mistakes can be as hard as that. Maybe I'll find out that I'm wrong, but I am pretty much convinced that 40 weeks of pregnancy (God willing) will be the hardest thing I have ever done by the time it's over.]
So, do I eat the blue cheese or do I not eat the blue cheese? I decide to be reckless. I pick out the really big chunks, but for the little crumbs that are left in the dressing (which also, I might add, freaks me out because there might be raw eggs in it, who the fuck knows, this is why I don't eat out much) I figure that it can't hurt.
I'm hoping I was right, but of course, as I just stated above, I have no idea whether I'm right or not.
If you think too much about this stuff, you can drive yourself crazy. I mean, really crazy. But for thirty seconds at Panera before the blue cheese, I was really having fun, and feeling like my old self again.
Friday, July 15, 2011
PotterGeek
Happy Harry Potter Day everyone!
Last night saw me chugging coffee at 11pm, and only half-wondering whether the nearly-full moon was significant for Harry and his search for Horcruxes.
We joined the throngs of Gryffindor geeks at the Edwards Cinema at the Ontario Mills mall, arriving in what we assumed would be more than enough time (11:30 for a 12:10 show). Man, did we underestimate the dedication and punctuality of Harry Potter fans. Clearly a bit of Hermione had rubbed off on them. The place was packed, and we had to park miles away (well, not really, but it seemed like it). When we proudly presented our ticket to the ticket-taker, he told us that our auditorium had already been seated. So it was the front row for us. But that was ok, because we didn't have to hear many people talking, and it felt like we had the whole place to ourselves.
My favorite part of the night was seeing how excited everyone was. At 12:05, the chanting started. "haRRY. haRRY." When the movie started, the auditorium erupted in cheers. And given that this was Part 2, and the action started nearly right away, the cheering only continued. Harry gets the next Horcrux: Massive Cheers. Harry goes to Hogwarts: Massive Cheers. The loudest cheering of the night, though, was reserved for the unlikely hero, Neville Longbottom. Honestly, it was almost as if the audience didn't know exactly what was going to happen at every moment, and was actually caught off guard a time or two. One movie-addition was the Hermione/Ron kiss in the Chamber of Secrets where they've gone off to retrieve a basilisk fang. The screenwriter did well to add that.
The battle scenes were epic. When the professors all went outside to start putting up protective enchantments around the school, I got goosebumps. When Voldemort's first attacks were repelled by the spells, we all forgot the story for a moment, and hoped against hope that the enchantments would hold him back, and somehow the school would remain unscathed. And Alan Rickman's Severus Snape was amazing. The whole thing was a feast for the senses, and I left supremely satisfied, which was a change after Part 1, which was just a disappointment. I'm so glad to see the series go out on a high note.
It does make me sad that I won't ever go to a midnight Harry Potter opening again. No more rushing home from the bookstore at 2am with my new copy in hand, ready to stay up all night reading. No more waiting to see how the movie will translate the story.
For now, though, I'm looking forward to Pottermore, JK Rowling's new site, launching this fall, which supposedly will include new Harry Potter fiction. I remain hopeful that there are still some stories at Hogwarts still waiting to be told, and there might still be some 3am reading sessions yet to come.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
1. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant. Though there are no fighting scenes like there are when these two appeared together in the Bridget Jones movies, we do get to see Hugh Grant as Prime Minister getting his dance on, with similar butt-moves as those in Music and Lyrics. Really, any movie with both Hugh Grant and Colin Firth will make my Top Ten list.
2. The airport hugging scenes. This movie now has a monopoly on airport greetings. You can't spend ten minutes in an arrivals area without overhearing someone mentioning that it reminds them of Love Actually. And no, it's not always me saying it. Seriously, I hear this everywhere now.
3. The To Me, You Are Perfect scene. J actually hates this scene because he once had a girl tell him she loved him after he'd already fallen for me, so it pisses him off. But I actually think it's quite beautiful. He doesn't have an agenda. He's just saying what he feels.
4. The guy who can't get a girlfriend in the UK, so decides to go to Wisconsin and make the most of his British accent, and winds up enmeshed in a five-some of hot Wisconsin chicks. This is just so true. Us American girls need to be careful with British boys. When I first moved to London, I had to have my guard up. A guy could come up and ask me whether I would like to be taken home and tied up and grotesquely murdered, but he'd sound so darn proper saying it that you'd struggle to refuse the offer.
5. Stacey from Gavin and Stacey is a porn actress who meets her love while on the job. If you know her character from Gavin and Stacey, you know that the idea that she could be a porn actress is just laughable. That'd be more Nessa's work. Anyway, I love this storyline, and I love that actress, and it's all very funny.
6. There's awesome London scenery. In just a few shots they capture Trafalgar Square, the new Gherkin building, Oxford Street, Carnaby Street, and Selfridges (where I bought a duvet and duvet cover that I still own).
7. Sam. Who wouldn't melt at this kid, running through the airport to say goodbye to his true love in an act of gallantry? Nobody with a heart, that's for sure.
8. Mr. Bean's gift wrapping scene.
It's raining like crazy - I'm thinking of going into the ark business - but I'm up in my Girly Nook in the attic, snuggling with three cats and listening to the rain on the roof, so life is good.
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